Ladies and Gentlemen:
What follows is the obligatory “Night Before Christmas” post. In my humble opinion, it’s really, really bad. However, this entry replaces an angsty Christmas entry about my loss of innocence, so consider yourself lucky. No matter what follows, though, the sentiment remains the same. . .
Merry Christmas!
I hope that every one of you reading out there is as happy as you can be.
--J. Rabbitte.
‘Tis two days before Christmas, and I thought you should know
I’m leaving The City, to where there is snow.
My bags are all packed with things every which way
Why pack with care? I’ll be back on Monday.
My cousins are traveling with me in my car
After that trip, I’ll need a stocked whiskey bar.
With Ma in the kitchen, wine perched in her lap
A few glasses of that and Dad will try to rap
When out to the lawn I’ll run with such speed
There’s nowhere to go, but a long break I’ll need
Away to the slopes I will fly like a flash
I need a release! Anyone got some hash?
This Christmas ordeal is so trying, you know
I must take a break or we’ll all come to blows
When did we decide that that we need Christmas cheer?
We should be in Manhattan, where escapes are near!
I haven’t been happy with Christmas, you see
Since first we moved it upstate in ’03.
But endure it I must, for family is prime
No need to complain. . .at least, not this time.
Maybe, you say, if you just fake a smile
You might just have fun, at least for a while.
So here I go to the Catskills, to indulge in the snow
And hope that my urge to be jolly will grow.
On Christmases long past I’ll draw to spread cheer!
No need for soft drugs; I’ll dispense with the beer
So to my readers I say without getting sappy
Merry Christmas to you, and try to be happy.
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